Kill The Moronic 3
by Spanish Ninja Sneasel
Summary: Dun, dun dun! Another KTM present for Dar! Marth is tired of his only love life being Kirby. Luckily, he has Link and Roy to help him... Er, sorta. ^^; Chao-boy! Romancers! War of the peanuts! Lego people! RUN, I tell you!


Author's notes: Yep... Yet another freaky installment to the Kill The Moronic series. @.@ This is an idea I've had for a while, and I was actually considering using it for a Pokemon fic, but I decided it'd fit so well for my dearest Amanda's series of gifts. ^^ So here it is... Kill The Moronic 3: The Club. *giggles*  
  
For anyone who may not know some of the extra characters...  
Charizard is a Pokemon,  
Malon is the farm girl from Zelda,  
Daisy is a princess from Mario,  
Tron Bonne is from the MegaMan 64 game (and The Misadventures of Tron Bonne),  
Rouge is from Sonic Adventure 2, and  
Knuckles is from the Sonic games after Sonic and Knuckles.  
  
This story is in script mode. Words/sentences between (X) are things happening in the scene, words/scentences between ::X:: are character actions, and words/sentences between *X* are, generally speaking, character sounds.  
  
(Fade in: Link and Marth are walking down a city street at night. Link appears to be looking for something.)  
  
Marth: Y'know, Link, I'm not sure if I really want to do this...  
  
Link: Hey, you said you wanted a better date than Kirby, didn't you? You should just be thankful that we're doing this for you, after that stunt you pulled before.  
  
Marth: Uhm... I think "we" is missing someone.  
  
(Link turns around to find that part of their trio is missing.)  
  
Link: *sighs* Where did he go now?  
  
(Link and Marth backtrack until they see Roy in an alley. He's playing with a baby Chao--you know, those sickeningly adorable things from the Sonic Adventure games.)  
  
Roy: Hey, guys! Look what I found! This little guy was all alone--  
  
Link: ROY! We can't be hanging around in some nasty alley playing with little blobs all night!  
  
Roy: B...Blobs?  
  
(The Chao sniffles, and begins to cry, making Roy cry.)  
  
Marth: Remind me again why we had to bring him.  
  
Link: ::attempting to pry Roy away from the Chao:: We always... *grunts* go there together... *grunts* He just usually doesn't... *grunts* Find one of these little brats!  
  
(Link finally separates Roy and the Chao, sending himself onto his back. Roy falls on Link.)  
  
Link: What do you think you're doing?! ::pushes Roy:: Get off!  
  
Roy: You're the one who sent us backwards, dumbass! It's not my fault!  
  
Link: Well, if you weren't playing with that nasty little--  
  
Roy: NASTY?!  
  
(Link and Roy begin arguing, still sitting on the ground. The Chao is still crying. Marth puts his head in his hands.)  
  
Marth: And I'm putting my love life in the hands of these two...  
  
(Scene change: The three are entering a set of doors that seem to lead underground. Link and Roy appear to have patched things up, but Link appears to be walking with a limp.)  
  
Marth: I thought you said we were--  
  
Roy: We are, we are! Do you think it'll just be in plain sight for anyone to see?  
  
Link: Yes, it's very exclusive; If you don't know someone, you're not in.  
  
Marth: Who do you guys know?  
  
Link: *scoffs* We ARE someone.  
  
(They continue down a corridor which leads them to another set of doors, being guarded by an important-looking guy, and a Charizard.)  
  
Roy: Hey, Stanley.  
  
Marth: Stanley? *snickers*  
  
(The guard nods once, then opens the doors.)  
  
Guard: Go ahead, guys.  
  
(Roy enters, followed by Link. Marth is stopped by the Charizard, who sniffs at him and growls.)  
  
Marth: What is it doing?  
  
Guard: Charizard doesn't like you.  
  
Marth: But I'm with them!  
  
Guard: Sure, you are. Come on, pretty boy.  
  
(The guard grabs Marth by his cape and starts dragging him back to the door. Link comes back out and stops him.)  
  
Link: Stanley, Stanley! He's with us!  
  
Guard: ::looks at Link, then at Marth:: ...Oh. ::drops Marth::  
  
Marth: *growling* Nice of you to realize your mistake.  
  
Guard: Charizard here doesn't make mistakes. I've got my eye on you, pretty boy...  
  
Link: Don't mind him. Come on.  
  
(Link takes Marth through the doors, into a club-like place with a bar, a dance floor, and tables all around.)  
  
Marth: So... This is the Nintendo club...  
  
Link: You'll find a date here, I guarantee. Come on, Roy got us a table.  
  
(Link and Marth walk through a crowd of many various Nintendo characters, and reach a table where Roy sits, eating a handful of peanuts.)  
  
Marth: So, you and Roy go... Clubbing here, regularly?  
  
(Roy nods, chewing.)  
  
Marth: What do Amanda and Mel think of it?  
  
Link: Well...  
  
Marth: ...They don't know, do they?  
  
(Roy shakes his head, still chewing.)  
  
Marth: Don't you think they'd be a little upset if they found out?  
  
Link: It's just the guys right now. We just sort of... Forget that we're "taken."  
  
Marth: Then... Can I have Manda?  
  
Link: NO!  
  
Roy: ::with a mouthful of peanuts:: You know, Link, he has a point; I don't think they'd like this too much.  
  
Marth: Well... Can I have Mel?  
  
Roy: NO!  
  
Marth: ::slouches down in his seat, intimidated:: Just thought I'd ask.  
  
Link: Look, let's just forget about them entirely, okay? We're here so you'll STOP hitting on them. Now, then... ::looks around::  
  
Marth: Hey, gimme a peanut.  
  
Roy: ::pulls away his hand:: Get your own!  
  
Marth: I just want a freaking peanut!  
  
Roy: They're mine!  
  
Marth: Roy, just give me a damn peanut!  
  
(Marth reaches for Roy's hand, but Roy holds it up, causing Marth to lose his balance, and so he knocks them both onto the ground with the thud of Roy's chair hitting the floor.)  
  
Link: ...Something tells me I should be thankful I'm facing the other direction.  
  
(While Marth and Roy are fighting over the peanuts, Malon walks by. Roy takes this opportunity to peer up her skirt. While he's wrapped up in that, Marth snatches the peanuts from his hand.)  
  
Roy: Hey!  
  
Marth: ::grins and shoves peanuts in his mouth:: Mr. shy and respectful, huh?  
  
Link: *laughs* He certainly doesn't fit that role when he's here.  
  
Marth: Ooh, wait'll I tell Mel you're a perv...  
  
(Roy turns red and sweatdrops.)  
  
Link: HOWEVER, the term "perv" wouldn't fit, either. Roy and I are... "Romancers."  
  
Roy: Yeah!  
  
(Marth stifles a laugh.)  
  
Link: Although we have different approaches. Roy here can't seem to keep to himself, while I'm so gorgeous, I just let the ladies come to me.  
  
(Marth tries harder not to laugh.)  
  
Roy: Whereas YOU'RE more of a... Joke--  
  
Marth: Hey!  
  
Roy: --And that's why we're being kind enough to try teaching you some of our skills.  
  
Link: The best approach would probably be the art of example. Watch and learn. Look, here comes Daisy. Marth, if you act like an idiot and make me look bad, I'll kill you.  
  
(Princess Daisy walks by, and Link strikes a "casual" pose, trying his best to look suave. He flips his hair back and looks in the other direction, pretending not to notice her. Daisy walks straight past the table.)  
  
Marth: ...  
  
Roy: You have her wrapped around your finger.  
  
Marth: ...I don't see it. She didn't even say anything to you.  
  
Link: She doesn't need to SAY anything. She's got it bad for me, and she knows it.  
  
Marth: How can you tell--  
  
Link: I just can!  
  
Roy: Don't question his technique!  
  
Marth: *sighs* Whatever you say.  
  
Link: So, have you learned anything yet?  
  
Marth: Erm, sorta...  
  
Roy: Good. Cause--Ooh! Ooh! ::stomps foot:: Link, look!  
  
(Roy points to another table, where Tron Bonne is sitting down.)  
  
Marth: Tron... Bonne?...  
  
(Roy nods frantically.)  
  
Link: *laughs* Why don't you try to get lucky?  
  
(Roy gets up and starts walking over to the table, trying to keep a nonchalant aura.)  
  
Link: He should do well; he's the second best romancer around here, you know.  
  
Marth: Who's the first?  
  
Link: *scoffs* You're looking at him.  
  
Marth: ::blinks and tries not to laugh:: Okay, then...  
  
Link: So, have you seen anyone you're interested in yet?  
  
Marth: Not really... I've been paying more attention to you and Roy.  
  
(A loud "whomp" noise is heard, but Link and Marth ignore it.)  
  
Link: Well, start looking around! There are plenty of nice girls here, there's got to be someone.  
  
(Marth searches around the place, not sure exactly what he was looking for. He did, however, find something that caught his attention.)  
  
Marth: Uh, Link?  
  
Link: Hm?  
  
Marth: A... bunch of two-foot tall Lego people are carrying Roy over here.  
  
(Link turns to where Marth's eyes were set, and sees five Servbots carrying Roy back to the table. Roy appears to be doubled over, and is whimpering. The Servbots drop Roy on the floor in front of Link and Marth.)  
  
Servbot 1: Miss Tron says this belongs to you!  
  
Servbot 2: She also said to tell your little friend that if he ever wants to have children, he shouldn't hit on girls with metal shoes!  
  
(The servbots skip along back to Tron Bonne, humming happily. Link winces and goes to help Roy up, while Marth is on the floor in a fit of laughter.)  
  
Link: You okay?  
  
(Roy only whimpers in response.)  
  
Link: Eeh... ::pulls Roy into his chair::  
  
(Link goes to return to his seat, then notices that Marth is still laughing.)  
  
Link: Okay, Marth! It wasn't that funny!  
  
Marth: *imitating a Servbot* Miss Tron says this belongs to you! *continues laughing*  
  
(Link pulls Marth onto his feet and meets him face-to-face.)  
  
Link: *through his teeth* Look, Marth. I don't have a hell of a lot of respect for you after that whole dueling thing, and making fun of my friend isn't going to help you get back on my good side. Now, how would YOU like a kick in the pants from Tron Bonne?!  
  
Marth: ::sweatdrops:: Erm... Sorry, Link... Don't hurt me?  
  
(Link steps back to his seat with a growl. Marth slowly sits down, feeling quite uncomfortable. The table is silent for a while, spare a few groans from Roy. The silence is broken when Rouge the Bat approaches.)  
  
Link: Hey, that's Rouge! I'll bet she noticed me. ::smirks::  
  
Marth: Hey... She's not bad... For a bat.  
  
Link: Too bad she's not in your league.  
  
(Link takes his "suave" position again, but Rouge pays no attention to him and walks up to Marth.)  
  
Rouge: Hey, I've never seen you here... What's your name.  
  
Link: What?!  
  
Marth: M-Marth... Marth L-Lowell... Prince of Altea.  
  
Rouge: Ah, so you're a prince. That's nice.  
  
(Link stares with his mouth hanging open as Rouge hits on Marth, who eventually loosens up and seems to be enjoying it.)  
  
Link: But... Why?!  
  
(The only answer he gets is a mumble from Roy. Link sinks down in his chair with a sigh. Someone else heads toward the table, and Link perks up, only to find that their new visitor is male. Marth and Rouge are interrupted by Knuckles, who seems quite angry.)  
  
Knuckles: What the hell is going on here?!  
  
Marth: What do YOU want?  
  
Knuckles: I WANT you to leave my girlfriend alone, that's what I want!  
  
Marth: Your... girlfriend?  
  
(Marth looks at Rouge questioningly, and Rouge steps up beside Knuckles.)  
  
Rouge: He wouldn't stop hitting on me, no matter how many times I told him to leave.  
  
Knuckles: Is that so, pretty boy?  
  
Marth: *mumbles* That's getting almost as bad as popcorn boy...  
  
(Knuckles grabs the collar of Marth's tunic threateningly, totally missing the fact that it wasn't even Rouge's table.)  
  
Marth: H-hey, don't get violent! I can explain!  
  
Link: Back off, will you?  
  
(Knuckles and Marth both turn to Link, who had been silent for a while.)  
  
Knuckles: You know this guy?  
  
Link: Unfortunately, yes. He wasn't trying to start anyt just forget about it.  
  
(Knuckles sighs, then walks off with Rouge. Marth falls back against the back of his chair, sighing.)  
  
Link: That, my friend, is what it's like to get screwed over.  
  
(Roy whimpers and nods.)  
  
Link: Don't worry about it, though. There are plenty of other--  
  
Amanda: Well, THAT was quite an interesting little display.  
  
(Amanda and Mel walk up to the table, looking quite pissed off. Amanda pulls Link's elf ear.)  
  
Link: Ow! Manda! How did you know we were here? How did you get in?!  
  
Mel: Kirby.  
  
(Kirby comes in behind the girls, looking equally angry as if he had something to be angry ABOUT.)  
  
Marth: But that thing can't even talk!  
  
Mel: No, but it CAN write.  
  
Amanda: Party's over, though; your REAL dates are here. Yanno, remember us?  
  
(Amanda pulls Link out of his chair by his ear, and Kirby starts pulling on Marth's cape, trying to move him.)  
  
Marth: You are NOT my date!  
  
(Mel notices Roy, who can hardly sit up straight and looks to be in much pain.)  
  
Mel: What happened to him?!  
  
Link: Tron Bonne happened to him.  
  
Mel: *sighs* I'm not sure if I even want to know... ::pulls Roy out of his chair:: But you'll be explaining later, boy.  
  
(Amanda pulls Link out, Mel drags Roy out, and Kirby is still trying to move Marth.)  
  
Marth: Will you leave me ALONE?! How many times do I have to tell you--  
  
(Kirby sucks Marth into his mouth and copies him. He seems a bit less angry now.)  
  
Marth: *heavy sigh* Just... Never... Mind. 


End file.
